Yesterday I did a short about malicious incompetence and the idea that it doesn't actually exist, and boy did TikTok get angry. Interestingly, I didn't use gendered terms, but the entire comment section was angry women assuming I was defending men. It was hilarious to see the absolute fury from yas queens when I suggested that maybe they should just communicate better rather than expecting their boyfriend/husband to read their mind.
The major issue is that these women just assume that he's either doing it wrong on purpose or that he doesn't know, so she shouldn't have to teach him. There are plenty of men who grew up without role models to teach them how to cook and clean the way many women want them to. In my case, my mom's standards were different from the standards my wife had. When I did things my wife asked to the standard I grew up with, my wife didn't like it. Instead of crying on the internet (hashtag partner shaming amirite) she communicated her standards to me, and I do my best to meet those. And I'm pretty good at it.
How would women feel if men started posting videos online mocking and belittling their girlfriends or wives and claiming malicious incompetence over not knowing how to change a tire or the battery in a car? You know damn well they could claim abuse and say they don't have to put up with it and leave him. They'd be right, too. So, men, if your partner is shaming you on the internet for something you didn't know, hold yourself to the standard she holds herself.
I'm not saying malicious incompetence as a concept or an action doesn't exist. It is a legitimate abuse tactic. But, like Bigfoot, alien abductions, successful communism, and abortion to save the life of the mother, the times it actually happens are so close to zero that it's statistically zero. The people who refuse to communicate and then gaslight and partner shame on the internet for internet points from strangers is the real problem.
