As you may or may not know, I had to take a break from creating content. I had only taken a full month off one other time in 2018 when I moved from Colorado to Tennessee, and like that break, about halfway through I really wanted to start making content again. Aside from that the two breaks are very different.
In 2018, I was busy moving halfway across the country, lacked the time and ability to create, and when I came back I was very focused on what I wanted to create. I wanted to become more political and vocal. Prior to my break I was trying to be neutral in my presentation, but the move helped me realize that that was fake. I was holding back who I was and what I really wanted to do to try and stay safe. I dipped my toe into controversy, but never really dove in head first until after the move. It took time to get there, but I had a goal, and I went for it.
That path lead to my partnership with Mitch, which evolved into Ridgedale Brand. Our goals were to have conversations about politics and culture in a way that was intended to drive solutions in favor of liberty. We both put a lot of effort into achieving that goal. The problem is that eventually you run out of general conversations without guests. Getting guests was something I have always struggled with, but we did end up having a lot of great guests. In the meantime, in an effort to have the conversations (and to play the algorithm and chase the numbers) I started pushing more current events and trending topics. The irony is that the least trending topic lead to some of the biggest growth on the YouTube channel, which was the CSRQ saga. That was the beginning of the burnout.
The fact is, when I was running that series, it was a lot of work for a topic I genuinely hated near the end. Running an alias to try and get information, being attacked by We Are Soveriegn and by a source who was playing both sides, and then finally being lied about and threatened ended up making me not care anymore. By the way, I did make contact with an actual victim who shared multiple crypto wallet addresses that were created by the runners of the Occulum Labs guys, and I and two other guys have verified that the money is going through a cyclone type anonomyzer and an online casino (appears to be money laundering type of techniques) and NOT into CSRQ. More on that at a later time.
After I walked away from CSRQ, I started going after trending topics. I had been used to three videos a day on top of the streams, so I tried to maintain that. The anger that started during that saga felt like a good energy because it was high energy, but it's a lot of work to maintain high energy, especially when it's negative energy. I was constantly chasing the algoirithm because the success of the Jack Murphy fall from grace and CSRQ were both HUGE growth points on the channel. CSRQ was better because it was the same story every day for a month, and I wanted to try and do that with topics I liked. I just couldn't get something that both had my interest and the interest of the algorithm, so I pushed the anger even bigger.
Between those two things, it started to stress me out. I was trying to build a business on rage. By late November I started to notice that I started feeling stressed during bedtime for the kids on the nights that we streamed. That stress started to make me feel impatient. I worked hard to make sure I didn't take that out on the kids, but I also knew that the risk was there because I was heading down that road, and you can only compartmentalize for so long. Something had to give, I just didn't know what. In December I had family events and illnesses that required me to cancel streams and not make morning videos, and I actually enjoyed it. Not having to get up and search the news for outrage to try and get views was a relief. But there was still the stress of knowing that I was going to start back.
I needed to find a new direction for the content I wanted to make, but I knew that I would fall back into my old habits if I just tried to make a shift. I figured I could weather it a while and maybe the new year would help me find a way to continue and slowly shift away from that stress.
Then on New Years Eve my dog died.
At that point I knew I needed a break. A long break. I knew that it wouldn't be right to just walk away, because at the time I didn't know if I wanted to make content online at all anymore. So I talked to Mitch and we split company. I needed to focus on being a good husband and father, and I couldn't do that while continuing to create content. Maybe if the dog hadn't died I would have had the energy, but it broke me. I had lost dogs before, but we knew it was coming because they were old. This was a young dog we had only had for eight months and she got hit by a car.
I knew the length of my break would be long enough that we needed to end the business because I knew I might not come back at all.
Obviously, I am going to make content moving forward, but I'm rebuilding slowly and in a more focused manner. I don't want to get back into my old habits. So for now, I'm just going to write here, but I'm making a plan for expansion as well. The rollout will be slow. I'm going to focus on fun rather than chasing the numbers.
